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通常学生和家长共同应对大学申请是件好事，但是就我们所知， 最好的情况是大学申请的经历会帮助学生体会大学所需的独立性。下面列出家长过度参与的一些症状。
10. 首选要记住，不是你在申请大学。不管你的孩子和你多相似，他们也需要自己做观察并做自己的决定。
9. 支持和鼓励比压力和不请自到的建议更合适。让你的孩子来主动找你，约束自己，不要把你的观点强加给他们。
8. 在孩子的申请过程中不要使用“我们”或者“我们的”之类的词汇。那些小代词就已经表明你已经参与过多了。
7. 帮助他们准备，但让他们去发挥。鼓励他们休息好，认真准备大学拜访。一旦进入校园，你就靠边站，让他们来安排自己要了解什么和体验什么。这对他们下一个人生阶段成为成年人来讲，是个很好的锻炼。
6. 鼓励你的孩子做大学预约，打电话和写邮件。当一个家庭到达一个招生办公室时，是学生走向前台打招呼而不是家长，这很重要。我们会很留意这样的细节。掌控了这些细节， 孩子会有一种"老板"的感觉。作为家长，不要被一些借口所诱惑，例如“我只是节省他们的时间”或者“他们太忙” -- 学生会学会感激， 感激自己为完成自己的人生大事所走过的每一步。
5. 允许你的孩子问问题。他们有自己的， 并且对他们来说很重要的问题。
4. 对孩子的失望， 要有所准备。对许多学生来说，这是他们第一次面对坏消息。提醒他们没有完美的学校，而且， 招生办的决定并不能体现这些决定对人而言的价值，或你对你父母来讲的价值。
3. 决不要去替孩子去完成任何一项大学申请需要完成的工作 - 是的，就算它只是一种琐碎而麻烦的劳动。这原则也适用于朋友，兄弟姐妹，顾问和秘书。对很多大学而言，这种代劳的行为会被视为对学校的诚信制度的冒犯。
2. 不要让刻板的印象或者过时的信息引导孩子远离那些他们本可能感兴趣的学校。时代在改变，大学亦然。
在搜索大学时父母首要注意的是：
1. 在拜访大学时， 千万千万不要在你正在参观的学校的商店里买旅游纪念性的运动衫或体恤衫 - 这会让你彻底掉价。
It is good, of course, that students and parents approach this process jointly, but we all know that at its best, the process itself can prepare students for the independence that they will experience in college. The following list contains some possible symptoms of parental over-involvement.
10. Remember that this process is not about you. No matter how similar your children may be to you, they need to make their own decisions and observations.
9. Support and encouragement are more appropriate than pressure and unsolicited advice. Allow your children to seek you out and restrain yourself from imposing your viewpoint upon them.
8. Do not use the words “we” or “our” when referring to your children's application process. Those little pronouns are surefire indicators that you have become too involved.
7. Help them prepare but let them perform. Encourage them to sleep well and put thought into a college visit, but once on campus, step back and let them drive the experience. This is good practice for the next phase of their lives-adulthood.
6. Encourage your children to make their own college appointments, phone calls, and e-mails. When a family arrives at an admissions office, it's important that the student approach the reception desk, not the parents. We notice! Having control over those details gives them a sense of ownership. Don't be tempted by the excuse that “I'm just saving them time” or “they are too busy”-students will learn to appreciate all the steps it takes to make big things happen if they do them.
5. Allow your children to ask the questions. They have their own set of issues that are important to them.
4. Prepare your children for disappointment. For many students this is the first time they could face bad news. Remind them there is no perfect school and that admission decisions do not reflect on their worth as people or your worth as parents.
3. Never complete any portion of the college application - yes, even if it is just busy work. That also goes for friends, siblings, counselors, and secretaries. For many colleges, that overstep would be viewed as a violation of the honor policy at the school.
2. Do not let stereotypes or outdated information steer your children away from schools in which they would otherwise have an interest. Times have changed and so have colleges.
And the Number One thing for parents to remember about the college search process is:
1. Never, ever, during a college visit buy that souvenir sweatshirt or T-shirt from the bookstore in your size-it's a dead giveaway!
[An extract from Middlebury College's official website.]